I keep telling myself a handful of things to attempt to get my life “back on track”
My life is amazing, I just choose to hide from it from time to time… and thats my problem?
I sat in a class today that I constantly talk myself in and out of going (every time when I walk out I had wished I have not came)
As I sat in this miserable excuse for a class I thought about a lot of other things.
for starters my chest was so tight I wanted to explode… last night I fell asleep thinking to myself ‘peace be with you’
and then I had these dreams, I am not sure if they were a punishment or not but I couldn’t stop wanting to know how everything was going, sleeping through alarms, begging for 5 more minutes… and i promise this shit wasN’T about the invention of cup cakes and ice creams.
They were nightmares; this feeling made me want to start breaking things, scream somewhere nobody could hear, drive off to somewhere new and never look back, pray that this wasn’t what I was meant to always have to deal with… then I had to think about what I have to deal with right now… and the list of misery is so long I have decided to what to do… what to do when all I want is everything I haven’t had?!
WHAT CAUSED THIS, WHAT!?
I didn’t know if it was because I had not had any coffee…
Missed being treated the way someone who loves you treats you…
be cared about by some precisstant not taking your sweet BS excuse…
wishin you weren’t cared about…
wishin you actually were…
I also have a tendency to physically feel being stabbed in the back when it happens metaphorically… some could say ‘taking it to heart’. yeah.
my life is so sweet. I am happy everyday but at the same time wish it wasnt happening.
Accept the grit. I am serious, the fucking GRIT… because once you do everyone else will smile but not.
Don’t tempt fate. (as cliche as the sounds)
Focus on what you WILL do… grr not what you havent done! (Youll sound like a wash up, i give you my word.)
Be REAL… AND…
I have tried all other alternatives and it turned into a joke.
take my advice. I promise I won’t steer you wrong.